It's a wonderful life! (I hope)

**This is the same crapola u just read to get to this point. sorry.**My name is Jackie Marcucci. I'm 37 years old. I grew up in Lamont Calif. My dad, Jack Horn left before i was born. He is married to Marge. They have a daughter named Pam Horn. My mom raised me until she met Paul Marcucci. They married and my life has never been the same. They had 2 children, my brother Paul and my sister, Krista. I adore them both!! My name was changed from Horn to Marcucci when i was 10 to make me feel like i was part of the family. Didn't work. I moved in with my grandma and grandpa, joe and vera (grannygoose)(caswell) Szentpali when i was 14. Life was good. My mom and I always fought. never getting along. i blamed her for my not being a part of their life. still do. But her husband died a terrible death in 1995. And as much as i wished him dead on a daily basis, it was her husband and my brother and sister's dad. guilt. what a wonderful thing. life was going good. had a great job at NAPD, 9 1/2 years, worked my way up from a facility manager to a facility Administrator and Director of Community Based Programs working with Developmentally Disabled Adults and Children. I loved my job, i loved my co-workers and most of all i loved my clients. well over 200 of them. Then on Aug 3, 2006 the day after my 37th birthday, as i was leaving work i got pulled over and arrested for a DUI. How could i work and be drunk? I wasn't. I don't drink. I was addicted to Vicoden and taking Xanax to combat the deppresion that came with the addiction. I was so bad that i was taking 20 to 30 pills(vic's) a day sometimes 50!!!. I didn't want to be addicted. But i was to ashamed to ask for help. I wish now i had asked. i had lost about 75 lbs in a year. The irony is i always wanted to be skinny and there i was, THIN! i threw up about 15 to 20 times a day due to toxic levels in my system. What great shape I was in. So August 3, 2006 was the worst AND best day of my life. I have not taken any vicoden since Aug 28 2006. I didn't go to NA or AA or rehab. should have. It was hard, but i got threw the withdrawls and havn't looked back since. Now the bad part of all this is I Quit my job before talking to my boss, the great Walt. I should have given him the respect that he always showed me and talked with him. BUT, i didn't. I will live with regret the rest of my life. I have not worked since then. I have worked in some form since i was 12. I have never not worked. Now I don't sleep cuz i have no money and im worried about the bills. Do you know how hard it is to go from living on 3000.00 a month to 550.00 a month?!?! It is so hard!! i cry a lot cuz when claire will ask me for money to go skating or to a friends birthday party, i have to say no, mommy doesn't have any money. Oh yeah, did i mention i am a single mom and am now on welfore. well add that crap into the mix. I have been sitting at home for almost a year now, trying to get my nerve up to look for a job. Who would hire me? Some big lame pill addicted woman. Some lame person who didn't care everytime she drove her car, fully loaded. I lost a lot of friends and respect because of my addiction. I still think that my family looks at me from time to time thinking, " Is she high?" no, She isn't. And by the grace of god will never be again. I do suffer from a serious bout of self pitty/deppresion. I try to blame my Dr (and kinda do) and everyone else. but truth be told its my fault. Yes, i hurt my back. Blew out L3-L4-L5 in my back and have nerve damage to my siatic muscle. As bad as the pain was, it wasn't that bad. Ibuprophen would have been just fine. I'm not taking them now and my back is still messed up. IT'S NOT THAT BAD! It's not worth losing everything. I have been told by a few people, mostly men, that a DUI is no biggie. Well, if you have never been in trouble with the law before, and your not a carrear crimianl it is a big friggen deal!! I could have killed someone, i could have killed my 8 yr old child!! So... in THAT respect, that DUI was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I wish i could talk to Walt, to Darla and tell them how sorry i am and i know i let them down and that i am a peice of crap. but my heart won't let it. I can't take anymore of them looks. the ones that let me know how much i have hurt the ones i love. So, my peeps, there ya go. That is my life in a nutshell. ain't it grand to be me! i can't wait until I look back and say, I made it threw that and look how far I've come. That indeed will be a good day. I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused the ones that love me. to those of you that don't love me, well, you know my responce F....Y! have a nice day! Peace Out! God is Love, Rev Run. See ya wouldn't wanna be ya! GoodBye! Adios, Late, Later, Later 4 u. buhbye.( Waving,) I love you all Goodnight!

It's a Wonderful Life - lovedby2cs's Blog - KernLife.com

It's a wonderful life! (I hope)